No sleep can really drive a person insane
by dagan
Summary: Yeah, a bit of swearing (just a bit!), maybe something only theatre people can understand. Or, some insight into that magical world or theatre.


A/N:: This is Dagan's life. Be happy.  
  
  
It's opening night of Hogwarts first attempts of a play, An Ordinary Day in an Ordinary Muggle's Ordinary Life, or Ordinary as the actors call it. Hermione is nervously pacing backstage. She's more stressed than usual, because she is the director, and only one who knows how a muggle theatre works.   
  
Hermione- Where the fuck is she?!? (theatre leads to much swearing-d.) I cannot open without my lead!  
  
Suddenly, Lavender comes waltzing down the stairs. She's already dressed in her 'ordinary muggle' outfit-the tightest shirt and jeans she could possibly fit into.   
  
Lavender- Hello luv. Aren't I simply smashing? I luv how this shirt shows off my breast, don't you?  
  
Herm- No, I don't. That's not your costume. COSTUME!!  
  
A slim girl from Hufflepuff named Marnie walks out of the Green Room (jargon for 'costume room'). She is clearly stressed from lack of sleep, respect, and food (dinner never comes early enough on crew).   
  
Marnie- What.  
  
Herm- This girl is not dressed. Where is her outfit? You said her outfit would be ready and it isn't. Why not?!?  
  
Marn.- Dunno.  
  
(Dagan gets up and fixes the ice maker b/c it was making distracting noises.)  
  
Herm.- WHAT?!?!?!?!?! You DON'T KNOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Marn.- Yep.  
  
Hermione runs down the hall screaming. Ron sticks his head out of the girl's dressing room.  
  
Ron- See, I toldja 'Arry!! There are too ghosts back stage.  
  
Lav.- Umm... actually, that was, like, Hermi having a, like, nervous break down or something.  
Ron- Oh.  
  
Harry- (from inside the dressing room) Ha! You owe me a Coke!  
  
Marn.- What exactly are you guys doing in there? I thought you were own Props.  
  
Ron- Well, actually...  
  
Harry- (emerging from the room) We were looking....  
  
Ron- ... for Dave.  
  
Harry- That's right. We were looking for Dave when... Ron thought... 'e 'eard a... ghost.  
  
Ron- Yeah.  
  
Marn.- Right. Ooooo-kaaaay.   
  
The guys try to win Marnie over with 'dashing' good smiles when Dave, an actor, walks in.  
  
Lav.- Ummm... well, guys, like, here is Dave. Didn't you, like, have a question or something?  
  
Ron- Umm... yes. David, where is the crew party tonight?  
  
Dave- Your house, Ron.  
  
Ron- Oh. Right then. Well, 'Arry, we should really be getting to Props closet to set things up.  
  
Dave- Actually, there really isn't a Props closet anymore. Some idiotic Construction guy let her borrow a chain saw, and...  
  
Harry- Dear God!! The armchairs!!  
  
Harry and Ron run towards Props closet. While doing so, an idiotic (swear to God, only sane people are on Props and Costumes. Everyone else makes up the difference.) Construction guy yells at them for running.  
  
Lav.- Oooohhh... British Chainsaw Masacre. Very cool. Piggy-back me or something, Dave.  
  
Dave- All right. Climb aboard!  
  
He staggers off with Lavender almost sliding down his back.  
  
Marn.- God, I need some beer.  
  
Jen, the magical Costume fairy only Marnie can see pops up.  
  
Jen- Will Mountain Dew (official soft drink of theatre departments) suffice?  
Marn.- Yes.  
  
Ron- (jumps in from out of nowhere) A ghost!! Marnie's talking to a ghost!!  
  
Harry- Dear God!! Hermi's sawing up our new theatre seat cushions!! Now she's heading for forestage (the little part that often can drop out of sight by the miracle of hydraulics.) GOD NO!! NOT THE SCENERY!! NOT THE SCENERY!! GO WITH THE GRAIN, NOT....... it's too late. No more play, no more Thespian Troupe, no more 'E' key.  
  
Ron- They can't take away our 'E' key, can they?  
  
Harry shakes his head yes. Both hang their heads in disbelief. Jen whispers into Marnie's ear and Marnie agrees to what they're saying.  
  
Marn.- Ron!! Harry!! Have I ever told you about Sound room? (Both shake their heads no.) Well, one night it was late, and I was in there with some other guy watching TV when we heard a knock. No one else was in theatre that night. (Kinda true story. E-mail Dagan if you want the truth.)  
  
Ron- You mean it's...  
  
Harry- Haunted?  
  
Marnie shakes her head yes.  
  
Harry and Ron- YEA!!!!!   
  
Ron- Let's go!!  
  
Harry- OK!!  
  
They skip off merrily. Jen disappears again, and Marnie drinks her Mountain Dew. Idiotic Construction guy ensued help of Lights Chick and Dude with Long Hair from Sound and finally subdued Hermione enough to take the chain saw from her. She then precedes to step two of a nervous break down, the crying. She ended up ruining the entire theatre department, but did indeed feel much better afterwards. Dave's back went while toting Lavender around and Lavender sprained her ankle. They then fell madly in love and promptly broke up two days later. Curtains close on An Ordinary Day in an Ordinary Muggle's Ordinary Life.  
  
A/N:: Yes, this is actually on life. Dagan (who's been on Costumes and Props for two years now) is often surly to actors and has often considered doing what Hermione did. (Except if she did go to Props closet, she'd react like Harry later.) E-mail Dagan to find out the truth about the Sound room ghost. TTFN!!  
P.S. If you couldn't tell, the italic and sometimes regular in italic situations are notes from Dagan.   
P.S.S. Also, if you can't tell, Dagan talks about herself in third person.  



End file.
